I want to settle the score a little bit today and talk about the absolute truth about some of the bad things that happen with Asperger's syndrome. One of the things that made my discovery of Asperger's syndrome easy was the fact that it is everywhere now. It is in the social media a lot. When I was growing up, I didn't know what it was because it wasn't in the social media. Here is a short list that I have come up with.
Movies:
1. Temple Grandin
2. Mozart and the Whale
3. Adam
TV Shows:
1. Bones
2. Criminal Minds
3. Big Bang Theory
All of these shows have a character that has Asperger's Syndrome. My wife tells me that the character 'Sheldon Cooper' in 'Big Bang Theory' is based on someone who has AS. The writers never will put it into the show because that would ruin the comedic elements and perhaps possible be offensive to people who have AS. I think the show is hilarious and I am not offended by it at all. It is very easy to see the AS elements in the fictitious character, Sheldon Cooper.
By far, the most accurate representation of someone who has AS is in the movie "Adam." It was the first movie I watched with my wife after my discovery of my own AS. At the end of the movie, I asked my wife what she thought. I had said to her that I enjoyed the movie, but Hugh Dancy was definitely over acting some parts. My wife assures me that he was not. His portrayal is not over the top at all. At a blow to my ego, I now totally agree with her.
The point I want to make in today's post is that just because AS has made it into the social media like it has recently doesn't mean it is sexy. There is a scene in the movie 'Adam' where Adam finds out that his girlfriend had lied to him about setting up his first meeting with her parents. People with AS, people like me, do not like to meet new people. The result of Adam's discovery about the lie leads him to absolutely freak out. I thought for sure that this scene in the movie was over acted and not true to the symptoms of AS. It is not. It is highly accurate. It is not sexy.
So back to the point that I am making. There are a lot of portrayals of AS in the social media that seems to make AS sexy. I do not want to use faulty logic and say because of it's portrayal in shows like "Criminal Minds" doesn't mean that it makes 'me' sexy. My wife reminded me of this point today before heading off to work. She says that I tend to over emphasize the good points and gloss over the bad points. There are times that I have reacted to absolute minor things, such as that scene in the movie "Adam," and perhaps under reported the body language that I use with my wife. For example in my last post, I talked about how our shower curtain fell down. I was so frustrated with everything about it. The yelling and foot stomping that occurred after that was way over the top. It is not normal, it is an over reaction. It is not sexy. It is something I find very difficult to stop from doing. It is very childlike. Think about what a child's tantrum is like that, that is my reaction to very minor things as a 37 year old man. I feel so ashamed after the fact, all of the time.
My wife has told me that the divorce rate between someone with AS and someone who is neurotypical is about 80-90 percent. That is the situation between my wife and I. We got married before we knew about my AS. So, we obviously have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of work to do. We will be married for 12 years this year and we have a pact to try to make it work despite what the statistics say. I think it is too easy for people to get a divorce these days. Some of the things that I do is to try to suppress my natural inclinations. I do this by learning the differences between what I do and what neurotypical people do. I try to go out more often, engage in more social events. Recognizing my AS has helped me to understand the why behind the stress I face in social situations. It is not an excuse for me to not go to them. My wife is a social butterfly. It's one of the aspects that I love about her. She glide gracefully from one conversation to another conversation with absolute ease. She is a virtuoso of making the people around her feel absolutely great. This is the absolute opposite of how I perceive myself to be around people in social situations. People tend to walk away. My wife is an expert at saving me from situations that I have made uncomfortable. Being honest about the AS has made a big difference. I think that makes the divorce rate perhaps go down. Knowing the truth, being honest about what your strengths and weaknesses. I realize that if I misrepresent myself, I won't have a chance, and neither will my marriage. The truth is everything. The truth is that a lot of the time, there is nothing sexy about having Asperger's syndrome.
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