The Discovery

Throughout my life I have always known that I am different. I am 37 years old, I have been married for almost 12 years to a wonderful woman. I also have a daughter who will be 3 this year. It was through difficulties that we have had in our marriage that led to the discovery that I have Asperger's Syndrome. My wife was the one who suggested the possibility to me about a year ago, and at first I totally dismissed it. I didn't know what it was, I had never heard of it before, and of course, it had nothing to do with me. I rejected it completely, for a time. I was, at the time, going through a difficult time dealing with coworkers. I have had difficulty working together with people in a team environment, still do. Because I wanted to make my marriage better, I had a hard and objective look at how I have behaved in past at previous jobs and throughout my life as a student. Most notably as a composition student, a musician, and my methods of interaction with other students in University, high school, and junior high school. This objective look at myself is something that I think about continuously and based about what I have read online and in books, there can be no doubt. I have Asperger's Syndrome.
I am new to blogging, this is my second attempt at writing a blog. I do not consider myself a good writer, I am horrible at grammar. However, I will not let one of the key symptoms of Asperger's syndrome, the fear of failure, stand in the way of what in my mind be something that will make my marriage better, and it will help me be a better father. I do not want to fail at being a husband and a father simply because I have a fear of failure. I have failed at a lot of things in my life, but I cannot fail my wife and my daughter.
So what is the purpose of this blog? It was the reading of blogs that allowed me to determine that I had Asperger's Syndrome in the first place. I knew I was different throughout my entire life, but I did not know why. I now know why I am different. I know why I do the things that I do. I will blog about these things and I think that it will be something that let me come to terms about the grief that I have about past events. I will be blogging about past events that lead me to my diagnosis, I will blog about challenges that I face in the future. I am hopeful that this will lead to a more productive future, a more optimistic future filled with happiness and hope. I am by nature, pessimistic. I am not as pessimistic now, as when I did not know that I have Asperger's Syndrome. I hope that someone who thinks that
they may have Asperger's Syndrome might find this blog and will learn from it. That is how I found out. I took my wife's suggestion, and I read as much as I could. I watched YouTube videos and all that. On the other hand, if no one reads this blog, I am not too worried about that either. It still serves a purpose for me to think about what challenges I face as a husband and father.